English Rants

Surely obtaining a minor in English from West Virginia University in 1990 does not qualify me as an authority on English grammar, but there are some things that just irritate me to no end about speakers and writers of the language:

Adverbs

I hear adverbs being used incorrectly at least a dozen times daily. I hear it predominantly on newscasts and commercials. Newscasts! Journalists and editors should know better, shouldn't they?

An adverb modifies a verb, adjective, or other adverb. I've known this since 1974, courtesy of Schoolhouse Rock:

"An adverb is a word
(That's all it is! and there's a lot of them)
That modifies a verb,
(Sometimes a verb and sometimes)
It modifies an adjective, or else another adverb
And so you see that it's positively, very, very, necessary."
- Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here (YouTube)

So, what am I talking about? On a typical day I might hear a newscaster say "Traffic is moving slow on the bridge." The sound of this just grates on my brain! What editor approved that copy? Didn't their parents let them watch ABC-TV on Saturday mornings in the '70s? Did they not learn basic grammar in primary school? The copy should read "Traffic is moving slowly ...."

Recent adverts from the California Milk Processor Board (Got Milk™ campaign) and the Outback Cafe™ join in the fun. I realize that the phrase "Look Close" is a play on actress Glenn Close's name, and that marketing executives make a fortune for such creativeness, but it irritates me nonetheless. I suppose I am a curmudgeon in the making!

Apparently, May 22, 2008 was "Drive Nice Day" in the Pacific Northwest. A news anchor on KOMO-TV news that morning talked about a contest to show if people in Washington or Oregon were nicer. Who cares? Do any of them drive nicely???

I've begun shouting "ly" every time I hear an adverb being used incorrectly. My original impulse was to blog about it every time I heard a bad example, but I hear bad examples too frequently. Hopefully I'll be wise enough to hold my tongue when someone that I care to impress might not appreciate my constructive criticism!

Verb Tenses

On June 4, 2008, I learned that the same KOMO-TV news reporter that has problems with adverbs [apparently] also has issues with verb tenses - in this case, the present perfect tense. In talking about Hilary Rodham Clinton as a Presidential candidate, this reporter said, "people don't understand ... why she has not got out of the race." The present perfect tense is formed by using has/have with the past participle of the verb. The reporter should have said, "... why she has not gotten out of the race."

Subject-Verb Agreement

One of my favorite web sites (Dubyaspeak.com) has plenty of examples of this - from past US President Bush:

Front lines of this efforts are parents, are teachers, are counselors who are sending our kids a clear message, drug use is not fun. It is not glamorous. It is harmful. And I want to thank those who are making that — a clear message. Drugs destroys lives. (Washington, D.C., Dec. 11, 2007)

As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.
(Not surprisingly, the White House initially elected to leave this mistake out of the official transcript. New York, New York, Sep. 26, 2007)

Surveys show that the vast majority of people do want to participate in democracy. And, ahh, some are feeling intimidated. I urge alls people to vote.
(Yes, that's what he said. But don't worry. The White House transcript was thoughtfully printed without the "s". Washington, D.C., Jan. 26, 2005)

Sloppiness

During the Swine Flu scare in Seattle in Spring 2009, a local elementary school known for its high educational standards posted a hasty sign on its front door. I'm pretty sure that schools don't use typewriters and mimeograph machines anymore, so I suspect that 'anoubcement' is something a computer's spell check would have caught. 'Advise' might be overlooked, but it's probably too much for me to hope that someone might proofread a notice that will be posted publicly and correct the spelling of 'advice'. And lastly, who is the 'health official'? Is s/he one of new czar's appointed by the Obama Administration???

Recommended Reading

       James Cochrane, Between You and I (Sourcebooks, Inc., 2005).

       Lynn Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation (Gotham, 2006).

       Ken Smith, Junk English (Blast Books, 2001).

       Vivian Cook, Accomodating Brocolli in the Cemetary: Or Why Can't Anybody Spell (Touchstone, 2005).